Yeas and Neighs: Bold predictions for the Year of the Horse

Yeas and neighs:
Bold predictions for the Year of the Horse

If our esteemed forecasters’ crystal balls have any say about it, relations between Japan and China will dominate the news over the next 12 months . . . if, that is, the secrecy bill doesn’t completely muzzle the press. Given the feisty attitude that pervades these predictions, however, we see little chance of that happening.

So here’s what’s going down over the next 365 days:

The defending Japan champion Rakuten Golden Eagles will fail to repeat their success of 2012. They will struggle in the early going and manager Senichi Hoshino will lose his famous temper and

start slugging players, including his own, again. No one will complain. . . . A scandal involving yakuza groups, gambling and baseball players will emerge.
Robert Whiting

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PM ABE IN THE NEWS: CHINA, SENKAKU, A MOLE… AND AN AFFAIR

PM Abe writes a letter to the Chinese president thanking Beijing for the conflict in the East China Sea. Abe writes: “Now I can change the Japanese Constitution, arm the SDF, dream about Japan becoming No. 1 again, and forget all this Abenomics stuff that really never interested me in the first place.”
Carsten Germis,
Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung

Prime Minister Shinzo Abe forgets what he learned in his class, Japanese politics 101: “No Japanese politician is guaranteed a golden term.” His government gets shaky as the public loses faith following the state secrecy law and his lackluster third arrow.
Ayako Mie, the Japan Times

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Prime Minister Shinzo Abe names NHK the Ministry of Truth, introduces the new offense of “Thoughtcrime” for media references to comfort women and moves out of the home he shares with his pro-Korea, anti-nuclear wife . . . though this will remain a secret until 2074.
David McNeill, the Independent

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Japan and China come close to resolving their territorial dispute, when a joint expedition of scientists discover a single surviving specimen of the endangered Senkaku (or Diaoyu) mole. But the discovery leads to more acrimony after it emerges that the Abe government has adopted the creature as a yuru kyara (cute mascot) named Aikoku-chan – and that the Chinese team have, in any case, eaten it.Richard Lloyd Parry, the Times

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A year of political polarization. The Abe government will take advantage of its control of the Diet to push through what amounts to a virtual rightwing revolution. This, in turn, will provoke larger protests than we are currently witnessing. 2014 will end with the Japanese nation more divided.
Michael Penn, Shingetsu News Agency

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After a tumultuous but secret affair, Japan’s Abe and South Korea’s Park elope.
Bob Neff

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Japan and Iran’s secret ties revealed as Japan’s “nuclear mafia” exports refined plutonium to Iran via its controversial spent nuclear fuel recycling plant of Monju and Rokkasho Village.
Nathalie-Kyoko Stucky

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In the major leagues, Tanaka wins 20 games and Yu Darvish wins Cy Young.
Teddy Jimbo, Video News Network

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Underwater volcano creates new island near the Senkaku islets: China, Japan and Taiwan agree to share it. Sonja Blaschke, Concerned that fewer people are paying attention to him, Osaka mayor and Japan Restoration Party co-leader Toru Hashimoto announces Japan’s prewar system of military government was necessary at the time. He will challenge “revisionist’’ historians and foreign journalists to disprove him.
Eric Johnston, the Japan Times

HEADLINES PREDICTED FOR 2014:

Prime Minister Assures Nation Everything is Just Fine. Honest.

Julian Ryall, the Daily Telegraph

Car Showrooms Eerily Quiet on First Day of Higher Sales Tax

Weng Kin Kwan, The Straits Times Press

Abe Administration Announces Totally Kawaii ‘Cool Secret Japan’ Mascot

Matt Alt

Tensions in Sino-Japan Relations Ease Dramatically

Yosuke Watanabe, Kyodo News, Beijing

Japan Admits Foreign Robot Caregivers: Must Leave in Six Months and Not Marry Japanese Robots

Suvendrini Kakuchi

Japanese Music Industry Shocked as Producer Creates Female Band with Less Than 48 Members

Fred Varcoe

A galaxy included in China’s to-be-announced Air Defense Identification Zone

In April, the Chinese government declares the entire known universe as an Air Defense Identification Zone in which foreign planes, spacecraft and dirigibles must file flight plans with Beijing. A Japanese gov’t spokesperson calls the move “highly regrettable” but does not provide details, citing the Secrecy Law.
Steve McClure

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Apple’s unveiling yesterday of its iTV, a smart television that can be controlled by Siri voice command technology, left analysts yawning. “We were expecting it to at least have a hologram feature like in Star Wars, if not a function to teleport you directly into a Hollywood studio, as in Star Trek” says Jake Nolitle, an analyst with DupeU Inc.
John Boyd

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A reporter will be questioned but not arrested for violations of the Special Secrets Bill. The story will be deliberately leaked, reporting will be low-key and fear will spread amongst the already timid Japanese journalist population.
Jake Adelstein, the Atlantic Wire